Chapter 25 – The Corner Hole Part Deux: Page 15

Chapter 25 - Page 15

Still by Matt Nathanson

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  • bronakopdin

    oh damn…. I can totally relate on how Elan feels T^T
    it must be so vexing for him… the bittersweetness of those feelings…

  • DayiaKnyte

    You might have tried talking to him before now.
    Yes, I am being hard on Elan. I have been since he hung up on Rafa.
    Nothing has happened to change my mind.

    • I would never want you to change your opinion, DayiaKnyte. The beauty of stories is in how we take them to heart. You offer a perspective that is valuable and powerful in its own respect. I appreciate that perspective. It gives me pause to think. Never change being yourself. Keep having your own thoughts and opinions. We’re stronger for it.

  • Lleyn

    Ugh, Hudson, get out of the picture, you are ruining the moment!

    Btw, The Mice, may I voice a slight criticism? The way the hand in the upper left corner of the first panel is drawn doesn’t make much sense, beautiful as that drawing is.

    In a fist, as is drawn here, you would only see the fingers and the inside of the hand with the thumb pointing towards the rear if you’d view that fist from behind or upside down. Neither seems to be the case here, so I’ve been trying to make sense of the way the hands are meant to be portrayed in that panel. But other than that, those are the most realistically drawn hands I have ever seen!

    • kuku

      Agreed that Hudson needs to scram!

      • I can have my avatar wander into the scene and sit on Hudson “accidentally.”

        • kuku

          Might be helpful. We don’t want to distract Elan and Rafa from each other yet, though.

          • Trust me, as big as my ass is, we won’t hear a peep from Hudson until I let him up for air.

    • Lleyn,

      I see what you find confusing about the hands. You might be correct about there being an error but I see something else. I offer my perspective in hope that it might help.

      I see in the hands two different actions. Firstly, Rafa’s fist is clenched. He felt angry and jealous when he first stepped over to Elan. After, the hand relaxes. Rafa responds to Elan’s nearness in a tangible way. Elan sees the emotions at play, the transformation from tension and anger to relaxation.

      There, I hope this helps!

      • Jonni

        The fist is the left hand viewed from behind, the relaxed hand is the right viewed from the front. I see the fist as representing the loss and anger Rafa feels inside, and the relaxed hand as the calm demeanour he is outwardly expressing. They show the disparity between Rafa’s hidden and expressed feelings.

        Its the hands on the top right of the second panel that really gets me though, it’s like Elan’s seeing all his treasured hopes slip through his fingers.

        • This is why I love this fandom. Thank you, Jonni. Very poignant observation on your part.

          • Jonni

            Thanks Donald Burch, it’s always great to see everyone’s thoughts -and I love how no-one has to be right, we just have our own perceptions and perspectives

            Thanks, The Mice, for writing such a beautiful and inspiring story.

        • Lleyn

          Ah, sorry that my reply is this late. But yes, Jonni, your explanation, that we see his hand once from behind and once from the front, was the only logical explanation I could come up with. And I stared at those hands for quite some time, because they are beautiful :)

          And thanks, Donald Burch, for your explanation, too, though that wasn’t what had thrown me, it was purely a problem of perspective :)

          • Jonni

            Thank you. Your question caused me to take a longer look and deepen my own perspective.

  • Pamela Cunningham

    Well Elan my heart aches for you BUT you have been cozying up with Scott an doing you and theres nothing wrong with that you certainly deserve only good things in your life so I have to wonder just how much do you charish your time with Rafa . Don’t get me wrong we all know the many reasons why Elan and Rafa are not together and neither of them have done anything towards trying to sort out their disagreements so both of them are at fault for how things stand between them .

    • Lleyn

      Erm, that evening with Scott might very well be seen as just having a good time with a friend by Elan. Well, right up to the kiss *g* But I agree that both are at fault, because they are not talking to each other. Maybe they should compare (journal) notes? Might help.

      • Pamela Cunningham

        That may be true but you can’t deny that Scott’s an Elan are in a budding relationship I mean Elan let Scott kiss him and with them getting all cozy on the coach movie night not to mention the DATE . AND Elan has to know that a man like Rafa is gonna attract the attention of others plus Elan is acting like he’s moved on with Scott so wanting Rafa to remember what they had sure is selfish especially when your seeing another man and one that Rafa knows is really cutting it close to home .

        • JesBelle

          From the outside, it is easy to say that Elan shouldn’t be leading Scott on, but Elan isn’t on the outside and he doesn’t have the perspective or information that the reader has. I really doubt that he thinks Scott’s nearly as engaged as we know he is.

          • Pamela Cunningham

            First I never said that Elan was leading Scott on what I said was from Rafa ‘s point of view Elan seems to have moved on with scott . So Elan can’t possibly feel as though what He and Rafa had didn’t mean much to Rafa when Elan himself started seeing another man and it’s someone that Rafa knows which is a double bomb that’s what I’m trying to get across .

          • JesBelle

            Sorry, I misunderstood. I thought that you had interpreted Elan’s actions as falsely encouraging Scott to believe that Elan wanted a relationship with him, but what you are saying is that Elan actually has started a romantic relationship with Scott? Or that he is consciously trying to make it appear that he has started a relationship with Scott?

            Elan is still operating under the supposition that the only person Rafa truly loves is Jake and that Rafa sees his time with Elan as a mere dalliance. If he is giving off a vibe of being with Scott, he doesn’t seem at all conscious of the fact. And if he is conscious of it, Rafa voiced his approval of Elan having a relationship with Scott long ago, so why would Elan think that Rafa would care? At any rate, Elan is utterly and completely clueless about what Rafa is thinking and feeling or they wouldn’t be in this mess at all.

            I hope that made sense. I got 2 hours of sleep last night and I’m fuzzy-headed and dead on my feet at this point.

          • Pamela Cunningham

            I do get what your saying I was just remembering when Elan kept thinking to himself that Rafa had forgotten their time together . Or rather their time together didn’t have the same meaning as it did for Elan but in the same light Elan has started this (FRIENDSHIP) with Scott yes I do agree that Elan is clueless to the fact that Scott most likely think of them as going out or at least more than just friends . And it’s true that Elan still thinks of Jake as someone Rafa will always return to thus this FRIENSHIP with Scott because Elan needed someone too an Scott seems to be a descent guy .

  • This is the only comic that communicates in a way that is natural for me. I struggle with PTSD and a side-effect is hyperawareness. Essentially, my “fight or flight” adrenaline button has been permanently slammed down. I am constantly watching for danger.

    The upside of this is that I pay very close attention to the world around me. I pay attention to hands and fingers–placement, tension, it all indicates the level of tension and potential for danger. It also indicates moods and thoughts.

    Eyes, lips, the face is a wealth of information for one who knows how to look. It can be very pleasant and part of my healing has been to appreciate that beauty when I see it in others. I see it in play here. Elan seems hyperaware. Given his life, I have no doubt of it.

    Mouse captures the subtle nuances that scream at me when I’m talking with someone. I must be careful because what seems obvious to me is not so much to others. I can unintentionally blow things out of proportion. I can react strongly to small slights or overreact when another only feels sniffles and a touch of flu. If I have a flaw in life it is that I’m overly sensitive–quite literally. My nerves are too sensitive. If I am to have a flaw this is one I take pride in. Better, I think to care too much than not at all.

    So, my perception of this page. Elan might be doing what I do often. Read deeply into subtle nuances. Rafa’s hands and posture might read as a confrontation. This, especially given the past page where he bit down a pang of jealousy about Scott. Elan might be reading that Rafa is angry with him and it might come across in his voice, his eyes, and his hands.

    The impulse of an abuse victim is to avoid potential violence. Anger, frustration, these can be misconstrued as potential violence. Even a stern voice can be read as such. I wonder if Elan feels that impulse to recoil, to seek shelter? It might stand in stark contrast to what he might perceive as Murakami being taken from him. I draw no distinction between my pets and my children. Might Elan feel as if Rafa is threatening to take away his child?

    How might this impact the urge to flee? Might Elan feel a conflict between his will to survive and his parental instinct to protect his child? Throw into this the necklace.

    To one who is hyperaware the necklace is as a mortal shell exploding in a calm forest. The emotional attachment of that necklace for both Elan and Rafa is powerful. They both know it. Seeing Rafa wearing that necklace is going to throw all of Elan’s urges and instincts to this point into a clothes drier and set it to spin. I cannot predict how Elan might feel and act beyond this point because I would feel so turned inside out that I could barely talk.

    I would feel afraid to–what is really going on? I see so many things but which is real? Are they all real? If they are then I can’t read what is going on. It drives me crazy with confusion. My curiosity kicks in. Will Elan’s? I cannot wait to find out!

    Thank you, Mouse for writing in such exquisite subtlety. I feel like someone understands me and how I think. It feels good.

    • JesBelle

      I find Elan and Rafa both very easy to identify with as well.

    • Jonni

      You said it.

    • IronDog

      Very eloquently and surprisingly briefly summarised so many of my feelings about TheMice’s writing throughout this captivating story. I’m grateful to people like you for putting in the energy and doing so.

  • kuku

    Time to talk to him, Elan! Go over and see Murakami! (And meet Mujercita, and notice that piano, sitting in Rafa’s house, waiting for you….)

  • JesBelle

    Oh, these journal entries — they are what hooked me in the first place, and every one just sinks a little deeper into my flesh. I love them both so much. I love Elan for being strange and beautiful and I love Rafa for his big heart.

  • kahltira

    Elan’s face, looking up at him after saying he’s keeping the cat….he looks so vulnerable.

  • Red

    I just died…

  • Ninhursag

    Sexy bitten lip is sexy.